I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
