I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
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I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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