I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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