now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
