Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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