I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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