All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I need to align my fucking chakras
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
