I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
