I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
