Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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