Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
