so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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