road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
