What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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