She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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