He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
