I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
