i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
