I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Boobs speak an international language.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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