Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
