Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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