so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
