I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
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i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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