I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
