I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
