i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
