Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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