I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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