so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
