I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
