Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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