But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
