Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
