Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
