On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
