every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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