dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
