So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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