how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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