ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
