So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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