but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
