Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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