I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
