You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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