Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
