OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
