You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
