Please, let me fuck your mom
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
