What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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