I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
