oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
