I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I love you. Go after that dick
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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