i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
