Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
