I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
