best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
