You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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