so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
