And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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