you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry about my life...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
