I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
