party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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