She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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