I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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