i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
