If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
